Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
