Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
