Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just took my morning after pill in the library
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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