On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
