is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
