I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
