I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
