Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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