i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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