i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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