Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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