dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
