Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
