i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
