I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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