His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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