this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
