He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
