I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
