Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
