Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
This toilet bowl is my home.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
