Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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