Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
