My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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