Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
