Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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