need another drink. this is the easiest way
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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