No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
