note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The Olympian is in my bed
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
