goodnight i made you a song goodbye
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
