And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
