I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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