If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
