I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
