That's when you crack a 10am beer
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
