just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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