At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
