I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm getting married
To pizza
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
