i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
