Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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