If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
