Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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