he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
