tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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