it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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