Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
