I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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