And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
