This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
wakey wakey hands off snakey
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
