i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
