I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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